I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
