one might say we're banned from that church
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
