I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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