EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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