it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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