Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
