Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
