Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
