When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm too high and old for this...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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