I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
