quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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