the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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