I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
