i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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