So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
