Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
