All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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