hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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