I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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