i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
