hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
