he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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