I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
