i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
