Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
