I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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