So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
