Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
