Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
