I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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