she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
