he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
