cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
