I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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