i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
