hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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