I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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