He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
