I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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