Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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