where am i from again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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