She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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