Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
