I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
