Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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