porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
