can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
