Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
