apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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