my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
