mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
