it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
