It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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