Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
