We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
