Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
